Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
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I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
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Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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