I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
sarcasm needs its own font
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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