You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
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Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
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Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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