i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'm both gender and math confused
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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