Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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