Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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