Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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