Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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