I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
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My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
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we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
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