Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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