I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize