white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize