in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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