Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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