After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Panties = found
Randomize