Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
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All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
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PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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