he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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