make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
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The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
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I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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