you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
It's Friday. Sex?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
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For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
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There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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