Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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