I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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