the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize