This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize