Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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