just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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