I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
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The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
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Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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