hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
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