Who wears a wallet chain?!
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize