How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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