are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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