So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I did not marry a roomba.
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