so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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