How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize