I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
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Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
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Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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