I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize