I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize