Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
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he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
two words: eviction party
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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