I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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