I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
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I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
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She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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