And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize