It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize