Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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