And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Randomize