I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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