everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I wish I only lived at night.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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