Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize