using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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