Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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