woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize