More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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